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Messages - SteveA

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 83
The Cynical Philosopher   
♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.  Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.  I gave him a glass of water.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
 ♦When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
 ♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.  We'll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.  I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.  Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

 ♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.  I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”  If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today.  I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
 ♦ Money can’t buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.  Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.  The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk

General Discussion / Re: JoAnn Fabrics
« on: June 15, 2018, 11:28:51 AM »
Once your card is there and folks tell one another - it could be beneficial.  When those " by chance" customers call me I don't put time into an estimate.  I ask them to send photos and give a ball park over the phone.  You can usually tell the ones who want the job done as opposed to the ones kicking the tires. 
I'd rather not burn bridges because you never know when some ill advised lead turns into a good thing

General Discussion / Re: Attached back cushions to the wall
« on: June 15, 2018, 11:22:32 AM »
I've used the christmas tree clips on padded arm rest panels - seems to work well.  The car guys use them for door panels

Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a *******  when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

General Discussion / Re: Narrow crown stapler
« on: June 14, 2018, 11:28:29 AM »
I have a duo fast 3/16th crown 23 gauge stapler.  You can bury a staple without seeing it but the hard part is not making a dent. 
I guess if I was working on something that needed to be perfect - no dent but required holding power I'd consider putting a stitch with a curved needle -
I bought a pack of gimp nails to copy the way gimp was attached in the last century for a chair I did last year.  . That was nice and easy - no glue - the nails are meant to show -

The Business Of Upholstery / Re: Klinch-it tool for sale on eBay
« on: June 11, 2018, 07:03:44 AM »
Thanks for posting this.  I followed the last one you posted but they bid it up too high -

The Business Of Upholstery / Re: Two chairs in for reupholstery
« on: June 10, 2018, 09:34:40 AM »
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone".
Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it…
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.”
He continued, “Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it…all of them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer…and, honest mister, all I did was tell her!”

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol:
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
Here's her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open.  She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.  The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.  His life insurance was a big bonus!”

General Discussion / Re: Use of cotton batting
« on: June 07, 2018, 04:46:05 PM »
When you're short a nice layer of dacron will fill voids.  You could place some cotton into the corners.

The Business Of Upholstery / Re: Curiosity - Making double cording
« on: June 05, 2018, 11:30:15 AM »
 in a Home ?  I knew Dr. Phil would catch up with you sooner or later  -
You're safe now - but don't tell them anything and pretend to take the pills  :)

General Discussion / Re: Use of cotton batting
« on: June 05, 2018, 11:25:34 AM »
It's the thinner one - not sure of the oz - but maybe 1/2 inch thick. 

Recently I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the wifi password?’

Bartender: 'You need to buy a drink first.'

Me: 'Okay, I’ll have a beer.'

Bartender: 'We have Miller Lite on tap.'

Me: 'Sure. How much is that?'

Bartender: '$8.00.'

Me: 'Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?'
Bartender: ' "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst"; No spaces and all lowercase.'

General Discussion / Re: Use of cotton batting
« on: June 04, 2018, 03:16:00 PM »
I would say that 99 % of every job I do gets the dacron wrap before the fabric.  It outlines and evens out the form + softens and adds comfort. I usually pull it tight like it was a piece of muslin.

General Discussion / Re: Emil J. Paidar Barber Chair
« on: June 04, 2018, 03:10:53 PM »
My Wife rocked our 4 children in a platform rocker like that.  Never wears out the carpet or catches the dogs tail - I hope to pass it along one day.
Beautiful recover job - the seat has plenty of goods under the fabric.   
They watch and read DIY and you can't blame them for wanting to try and put their stamp on the piece.  Better to start with something easier than that rocker-

General Discussion / Re: Sewing neochrome
« on: May 31, 2018, 01:42:01 PM »
I don't have a walking foot machine so a while back I bought a foot with steel rollers on the bottom to allow vinyl or leather to pass through more easily. I haven't needed it yet but wonder if something like that may help your issue ?

General Discussion / Re: Emil J. Paidar Barber Chair
« on: May 30, 2018, 01:25:39 PM »
can you just cut through the leather and see if it reveals any clues how to disassemble ?

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