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: Friday Funny (a day early) NSFW  ( 1317 )
byhammerandhand
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: 1925

"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« : September 24, 2015, 12:42:49 PM »

On a long-haul air flight about 1/2 way through, this guy who has has a few too many beers stands up in front of the plane.

"My name is Brown, B-R-O-W-N.
I'm 6'5" 280 lbs and I can whoop anybody on this plane.
I'm white from the top of my head to the tip of my toes,
and I hate blacks."

There's a strong tension on the plane, but nobody stirs up trouble while the guy sits down.

A few minutes later, he stands up again,
"My name is Brown, B-R-O-W-N.
I'm 6'5" 280 lbs and I can whoop anybody on this plane.
I'm white from the top of my head to the tip of my toes,
and I hate Jews."

The tension gets strong, the flight attendant tries to calm him and he sits back down.

A few more minutes,
"My name is Brown, B-R-O-W-N.
I'm 6'5" 280 lbs and I can whoop anybody on this plane.
I'm white from the top of my head to the tip of my toes,
and I hate homosexuals."

Again everyone is feeling tense, when a small man walks to the front of the aisle,
"My name is Ira Berkowitz, but I won't spell that for you.
I'm 5'6" 128 lbs and anybody on this plane could probably whoop me.
I'm a gay Jew from the top of my head to the tip of my toes,
except for my butt-hole, which is brown, B-R-O-W-N "

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
SteveA
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« #1 : September 24, 2015, 02:33:47 PM »

OK - day early - funny stuff - and I'm adding to thread 


At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary,
to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her,
but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife or your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."




The Enda
byhammerandhand
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Karma: +0/-0
: 1925

"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« #2 : September 24, 2015, 04:28:21 PM »

Good one, Steve.  

I grew up in an area with a lot of Italians, and I knowa whatta you speak, capiche?

Another couple is there celebrating their 75th anniversary and same question.

The husband gets up and says, "Well, I decided a long time ago, I'd rather stay married than be right."

-----------------------------

I am. is sad to be the shortest full sentence in the English language.  I do, is said to be the longest.
« : September 24, 2015, 04:40:25 PM byhammerandhand »

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
sofadoc
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All types of upholstery.....except cars and boats.


« #3 : September 25, 2015, 08:11:40 AM »

OK........the following Friday Funny is the ONLY one that's legal (because it's the only one actually submitted on Friday).

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were swimming against each other in a breaststroke competition.

The brunette finished first. The redhead second. And the blonde a distant third.

After it was over, the blonde went up to the judges table and said "I hate to be a sore loser, but I think those other girls were using their arms".

"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban
gene
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« #4 : September 25, 2015, 09:00:41 AM »

Keith, you occasionally post a joke that your preacher told on Sunday morning. Can we assume that this current joke did not come from the pulpit?  :)

SteveA and Keith: How can you guys type stereotypical Italian English while waving both your hands in the air?

SofaD: Now that's an interesting visual.

Would women with silicone implants have an advantage, or would it would be similar to swimming while wearing a life preserver.

Did you hear about the chameleon who could not change colors? He was suffering from reptile dysfunction.

As women get older they will get cats for pets. This is called Many Paws.

gene

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
SteveA
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« #5 : September 25, 2015, 03:16:01 PM »

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed
woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest
caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire
testimonial.

Here is her story in her own words: "While out walking along the edge of a
pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing
property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge
12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water, and began
charging us with its large jaws wide open.

She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely
aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol
with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took.

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at
a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in
lawyer’s fees was really incredible!"
Darren Henry
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some days are better than others


« #6 : September 25, 2015, 05:54:05 PM »

Quote
Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took.

The running joke back in Kenora when the "nuisance bear" population got thick in town (poor berry season---etc...) was " don't get too much closer to the bear". " I don't have out run it---I only have to outrun you, and from where I'm stopping---I've got a head start".

Life is a short one way trip, don't blow it!Live hard,die young and leave no ill regrets!
byhammerandhand
YaBB God
*****

Karma: +0/-0
: 1925

"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« #7 : September 25, 2015, 08:42:15 PM »

The flight was to Sydney, Australia.   So it was already Friday there.

OK........the following Friday Funny is the ONLY one that's legal (because it's the only one actually submitted on Friday).


Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
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