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: End of the week humorous anecdote (Formerly: Friday Funny)  ( 1737 )
sofadoc
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All types of upholstery.....except cars and boats.


« : March 04, 2016, 09:00:09 AM »

A lonely elderly woman placed an ad in the local paper:

"Wanted-Husband. Must be in my age group (70's). Cannot hit me, or run around on me. And must be good in bed."

The next day, a man rang her doorbell. When she opened the door, she she finds a man with no arms or legs in a wheelchair.

"Surely you aren't here in response to my ad?" the woman asked.

The man said "Yes, I am". 

"But you don't have any arms" the woman continued.

He replied "That's right. So there's no way I can hit you".

"And no legs" she added.

"Exactly" he said. "I can't possibly run around on you".

The woman paused for a moment, and then asked "Well......are you good in bed?".

The man proudly leaned back in his wheelchair and said "I rang the doorbell didn't I ?"

"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #1 : March 04, 2016, 09:39:45 AM »

Wickedly funny!  Thanks, I needed that!

Virginia
SteveA
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« #2 : March 04, 2016, 12:26:58 PM »

It wasn't little Marco I guess ?   When I'm in my 70's I'll have to use my cane to ring the bell

SA
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #3 : March 04, 2016, 01:18:04 PM »

It wasn't little Marco I guess ?   When I'm in my 70's I'll have to use my cane to ring the bell

SA


Someone watched the alleged debate last night.

Virginia
SteveA
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« #4 : March 04, 2016, 02:11:05 PM »

You're not baiting me in today - beside you need rest why mess with me

SA
byhammerandhand
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"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« #5 : March 04, 2016, 02:19:29 PM »

My friend would still be alive today if I'd known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote". He got bitten by a copperhead, and I'm telling him funny stories out of Reader's Digest. His head started to swell, I said "This ain't working". He goes, "READ FASTER!!"

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #6 : March 04, 2016, 03:29:40 PM »

You're not baiting me in today - beside you need rest why mess with me

SA

LOL Steve,

Not trying to bait -- it's the only headline that I see when I surf the web -- the "juvenile" insults spewed during the debate, including one referencing measurements or something like that.

If I wanted to bait, there are many remarks that I could make.  No intention of doing that.  I take no pleasure in what I've read about last night.

Virginia
SteveA
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« #7 : March 04, 2016, 04:20:52 PM »

V
 opposite parties but I am first to admit the rep are acting childish and I have no defense for that.
Hilary is smiling ear to ear. Kasich was the only one in control but he just kept repeating himself - it doesn't look good for the red team.  Last night was a disgrace -

SA

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« #8 : March 04, 2016, 04:37:44 PM »

Agree with you Steve.  I am NOT a Hillary fan.  We had 8 years of her husband's policies, which are her policies.  Not what the country needs right now.  It's a mess without a doubt.

Virginia
SteveA
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« #9 : March 05, 2016, 06:45:37 AM »

V
It's difficult to know if Hilary would depart from wild Bill's policies - I'd like to believe who ever holds the office has the Country in mind and not wind up owing donors - but that's how it works.  The system is bogged down and it seems there is no way to refine it.
 
My ded with the ACA went from $ 9000.00  to $ 13,000 this year - and the premiums went up $ 150.00 / month - same coverage.  Sure there are good parts of it like contract price, no pre-existing, child on till 26, change jobs, well care check ups
 - there are also numerous limiting conditions but my main issue is they are pricing me out - Of course my previous policy coverage increased yearly but I'm finding out ACA does not stand for Affordable Care  - costs rising like crazy
Has Bernie talked about tweaking the health care  ? 

SA
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #10 : March 05, 2016, 12:34:28 PM »

Hey Steve!

Yup, I'm feeling the Bern!  Really torqued about my knee.  Nebraska dems caucus instead of a primary.  That is today.  Bob & I canvassed for Bernie a couple of weeks ago which was quite interesting and a lot of fun.  It's a long walk to the building, then a 2 hour process.  One of the "in-charge" types knows about my knee and promised me a wheel chair to sit in but at this point my leg is sticking out (am not allowed to do a wheelchair type bend at this point) and those people are insanely adrelanied up.  I would be jostled, bumped and worse.  Not doing that at this point, no way, no how.

Bernie's proposal for health care would never be implemented.  Still too much money in health care.  Health care should be a right, not a "privilege".  He has always been in favor of single payer, such as medicare type insurance for all.  Bob & I have said for years that the insurance we qualify for as Federal employees would make more sense.  Overall, it truly is cheaper than what we have now (for individuals) but $$$ speak. 

I understand about the good and bad.  Many people have had their lives saved due to ACA and the pre-existing as well as children up to age 26 is fabulous.  But there is stuff that could be made better.  We looked at ACA as just a start.  Our doctor is happy about ACA because more people are insured so it is actually a plus up in patients for their facility plus people's lives are potentially saved.  She agrees that it could be better but is much better than what we had before. 

I love Bernie because he has been in Washington for 25-30 years and has always advocated what he stands for now.  No waffling.  Also, his net worth is less than $800,000.  Most career politicians are worth millions because of every tom, dick and harry with their hands in the politician's back pockets.

Virginia
SteveA
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« #11 : March 05, 2016, 03:45:24 PM »

V
Single payer - no waivers - and maybe the medical profession could manage their own industry ?    I like the idea that Bernie isn't beholden to donors - I hope he gives Hilary fits. 
No easy answers - maybe it's time to abolish both parties they are constantly at an impasse while we are ignored.
Feel better soon !

SA
gene
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« #12 : March 05, 2016, 03:57:44 PM »

OK. I give up. How did he ring the door bell?  ???

gene

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
byhammerandhand
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« #13 : March 05, 2016, 08:55:12 PM »

Can we agree, as a group, to not have political discussions/comments here?   Upholstery's not really the place for it and there are other places you can go for this.   Otherwise, it's going to be a long six months.

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
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« #14 : March 05, 2016, 09:00:25 PM »

Steve!

Ks results are in - Cruz and Sanders were the winners.  Our caucus doesn't end officially until 9 PM.  My SIL and Nephew represented our clan today.  SIL did some volunteer stuff at the door that they wanted us to do.  Caucus system is kind of weird.  You break into your precincts.  For your "vote" to count, your candidate must get at least 15% of your precinct.  SIL said that her precinct there were 5 or 6 for Hillary and 22 for Bernie.  She also said that we were very wise to stay home.  Way more people than the organizers expected.  More team spirit for Bernie than Hillary.  We got several phone calls from Bernie volunteers and were canvassed by a Bernie volunteer.  Never had any contact with anyone from Hillary side.  I think they were either very complacent or decided they had bigger fish to fry.  At this point, I'm kind of expecting Bernie to either take Nebraska or get a good percentage of the votes.  We are not winner take all.  As I said before as long as you get 15% of the precinct, than you get delegates.  

I'm thrilled to hear of the turn-out for Bernie locally.  Hillary will be a total disaster if she were to be POTUS as I see it.  She does NOT get my vote just because she is a democrat and a female.  No way!

Virginia
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