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July 20, 2019, 10:40:44 PM
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| | |-+  Friday morning innard tickler
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: Friday morning innard tickler  ( 915 )
sofadoc
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All types of upholstery.....except cars and boats.


« : June 17, 2016, 08:06:40 AM »

A man responds to an ad selling a champion bulldog.

The owner says "He's in the back yard, go take a look".
As the man inspects the dog, he commands "Speak boy, speak!". The dog says "OK, what do you want me to say?"

The man is astonished. "You mean you can talk?"

The dog says "Yeah, I learned how to talk when I was a pup". I used to work for the CIA as a spy. I traveled all over the world listening to enemy conversations. Since none of them knew that I could talk, they revealed valuable secrets to me. I eventually sired a litter of talking pups, and then went into retirement."

The man goes back around to the front and asks the dog's owner "So how much do you want for him?"
The owner says "Aw.......10 bucks". The man (surprised by the low asking price) says "Why so little for such a talented dog?"

The owner says "He's a bullshitter........he's never even been out of that back yard!"
« : June 17, 2016, 08:07:44 AM sofadoc »

"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban
brmax
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« #1 : June 17, 2016, 09:45:21 AM »

That's a Winner!

Have a great day, Its funny I'm considering ads today

Floyd
SteveA
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« #2 : June 17, 2016, 02:33:15 PM »

Good one for a Friday -  Thanks

SA
gene
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« #3 : June 17, 2016, 06:01:30 PM »

I've heard this joke several times before and even though I know what the punch line is, I still laughed out loud when reading it. That is a good one, as they say at the old folks home.

gene


QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
byhammerandhand
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: 1925

"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« #4 : June 19, 2016, 12:57:36 PM »

A tourist from the city passed a farmhouse and saw a pig with a wooden leg. He went to the farmer and asked him about the pig.

The farmer said, "Oh, this is a great pig! There's no pig like him anywhere! Once, when I was plowing a field, the tractor tipped over and pinned my leg to the ground. This pig saw me and went to the house to get my wife. He saved my life!

"Another time, my wife and I were asleep in the house when a fire started. This pig woke us up and got us out of the house before it burned down. He saved me again! He's a wonderful pig!"

"But you didn't tell us how he got the wooden leg," said the tourist.

"Oh," said the farmer, "a pig like that, you don't eat all at once!"

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
byhammerandhand
YaBB God
*****

Karma: +0/-0
: 1925

"By hammer and hand, all arts do stand."


« #5 : June 19, 2016, 02:25:13 PM »

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison
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