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: End of the week humorous amusing anecdote (formerly Friday Funny)  ( 1026 )
65Buick
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« #15 : June 20, 2018, 09:18:08 PM »

Being a dog (dachshund) owner since 2011, still chuckling at 'you're an a$$ when you take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree.'
Btw, you're most likely to be bit by a Dox, than a pit or a rot, etc. They were bred to hunt rodents.
gene
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« #16 : June 22, 2018, 06:47:56 AM »

65Buick: Btw, you're most likely to be bit by a Dox, than a pit or a rot, etc. They were bred to hunt rodents.

Are you saying we're all a bunch of rats?



On a different note, it is Friday. I know we all have different senses of humor. I've been known to be laughing my a$$ off at one of my jokes with everyone else standing around with an "I don't get it" look on their face.

This is the funniest video I have ever seen. Happy Friday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gSYKgAMPBc
« : June 22, 2018, 06:51:42 AM gene »

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
SteveA
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« #17 : June 22, 2018, 11:05:34 AM »

Gene I tried my best but could not watch it all the way through -
SteveA
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« #18 : June 22, 2018, 11:12:32 AM »

A Father asked his 10 year old Son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 

I don't want to know, the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the Father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed.

When I was six I got the " there's no Easter Bunny speech"
At seven I got the " there's no Tooth Fairy speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with  "There's no Santa speech."
If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really have sex I'll have nothing left to live for -

gene
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« #19 : June 22, 2018, 09:42:41 PM »

SteveA: Gene I tried my best but could not watch it all the way through



Hey SteveA, you probably see things like this every day out on the streets living in NYC. I'm in the mid west and this is a rarity. :-)

gene

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
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« #20 : June 23, 2018, 11:53:52 AM »

You're right - there is some stuff to see here.  This weekend I had scheduled a service call on Sunday to the east village - Bleeker st.  Come to find out that the gay pride parade is also on that day so I had to postpone.  No way I could get to the residence with 2-1/2 million people lining the streets to watch the parade.  My Son whose on the PD usually works the parades - great overtime - funny he'll earn on that day and I can't :(
Maybe I should go anyway and pass out business cards :) there's an endless clientele in one place !
A couple of weeks ago was the Puerto Rican Parade - that starts the night before and ends the night after.  Hey might as well do it up right - it's only once a year -
NYC was crowned the worst place in the Nation to travel into by car.  The average travel time is 1-2 hours.   
I'm ready for the mid west - and get the heck out of here - 3 more years to go -
SA
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« #21 : June 23, 2018, 07:13:56 PM »

In my previous life in sales and marketing I had an older salesman who lived in Brooklyn. Every time I flew into NY my standing joke was to tell him I wanted to do the 3 biggest things you can do in New York: see a Broadway play, visit a prostitute, and get mugged. I did the first but not the other two.

NY is a different world from where I live.

gene

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
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« #22 : June 24, 2018, 09:14:41 AM »

Not one bite from the entire crew - was it the Trump reference ?

OK I'll try a Jeff Foxworthy bit - I assume he wrote these ? That's what they tell me -

By Jeff Foxworthy:
 
If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

WE DO LIVE IN SUCH A DUMB COUNTRY!!
 
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 
If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
 

« : June 29, 2018, 11:30:25 AM SteveA »
SteveA
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« #23 : July 06, 2018, 08:20:16 AM »

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.

"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

"How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."
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« #24 : July 13, 2018, 12:35:49 PM »

Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan, the other to Florida.  They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.
 
 
At age 30,  they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters."
 
"Why?"
 
"Well, you know, they got the nice girls, with the healthy torsos , and the tight shorts, and the legs ..."
 
"OK."
 
 
 
Ten years later at age 40 they play.
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters.
 
"Why?"
 
"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."
 
"OK."
 
 
 
Ten years later at age 50 they play
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters."
 
"Why?"
 
"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."
 
"OK."
 
 
 
At age 60 they play
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters."
 
"Why?"
 
"Wings are half price."
 
"OK"
 
 
 
At age 70 they play
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters."
 
"Why?"
 
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
 
"OK."
 
 
 
At age 80 they play
 
"Where you wanna go?"
 
"Hooters."
 
"Why?"
 
"We've never been there before."
gene
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« #25 : July 13, 2018, 08:47:21 PM »

Finally a really funny joke about getting old and losing our memories!

Know what makes this joke truly funny, steveA? Look at the very first joke posted on this topic thread by sofaDoc. LMAO!

gene

PS: With my memory I'm laughing with you, not at you.
« : July 13, 2018, 08:48:54 PM gene »

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
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« #26 : July 14, 2018, 06:44:21 AM »

Yea I'm loosing it - but it gets worse -
On Thursday about 6pm my Son calls and say's Happy Anniversary - complete silence from me. Dad are you there ?  Yes but just got this feeling in my gut that the rest of today won't go well.
38 years married and friends since grammar school  - not supposed to forget milestones -  what to do - no card - most the day passed - need to find a way to tell this lady something that will erase my forgetfulness   So I approach and say " where do you feel like going on our Anniversary tonight "  without missing a beat - wherever you want to go. 
You see that's why I married her :)
SA

gene
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« #27 : July 15, 2018, 11:40:45 AM »

SteveA, you probably won't be able to remember, but how many times have you said to your wife, "So, where do you feel like going for our anniversary tonight?" Or, "So, where do you feel like going for your birthday tonight?" And you get that look from your wife that tell's you you've got the wrong date? LOL


gene

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SteveA
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« #28 : July 15, 2018, 03:41:17 PM »

Two days late but not a repeat - I hope ! 


 I urgently needed a few days off work, but,  I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.  I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy'  then he would tell me to take a few days off.
 
 
 So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.  My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.  I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so
 
 
 that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
 
 
 A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What on Earth  are you doing?'  I told him I was a light bulb.
 
 
 He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'I jumped down and walked out of the office...
 
 
 When my co-worker  followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
 
 She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
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« #29 : July 15, 2018, 07:47:51 PM »

38 years married and friends since grammar school  - not supposed to forget milestones -  what to do - no card - most the day passed - need to find a way to tell this lady something that will erase my forgetfulness   So I approach and say " where do you feel like going on our Anniversary tonight "  without missing a beat - wherever you want to go. 
You see that's why I married her :)
SA


You're not doing bad, at least you remember how many years. You best take her to her favorite restaurant.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
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