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: End of the week humorous amusing anecdote (formerly Friday Funny)  ( 5850 )
kodydog
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North Central Florida


« #105 : December 14, 2018, 07:48:08 PM »

#1 :)

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
http://northfloridachair.com/index.html
Mojo
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I'm Always In Trouble


« #106 : December 17, 2018, 05:37:50 PM »

We've heard medical colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
 
Here's the official distinction; straight from the Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
 
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with your buddies, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
 
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out your buddies, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, Chubby"

In either case both can be fatal.
SteveA
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« #107 : December 17, 2018, 07:36:26 PM »

Mojo - too funny - even the ladies here have to laugh at that one !

Not as good as yours but ..........

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Mojo
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I'm Always In Trouble


« #108 : December 17, 2018, 09:30:15 PM »

Dang, that brought back some memories. I never understood as a kid why that poor box was also used as a means
of punishment. Me and a few buddies had to make donations a couple times. Once when we got caught in the Sacristy eating communion wafers and drinking communion wine.

We were hell on wheels and always in trouble.  LOL

Mojo
SteveA
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« #109 : December 20, 2018, 03:35:00 PM »

It Snowed Last Night.
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:30 - I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive.
8:37 - Accused of using a black face on the snowman...snowpersons.
8:39 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.
8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.
10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a f**king snowman...
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what this world has become because of a bunch a damn snowflakes.

« : December 21, 2018, 05:16:22 AM SteveA »
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #110 : December 20, 2018, 06:35:45 PM »

Wow Steve, sorry the world has evolved.  My clue and cue that I just don't fit here.  If you have to make fun of every damn thing in the world to make yourself feel good,  I'll not let the flippin' door hit me on my way out.

If I look up angry old white man in the dictionary, it would have your picture on it.   That is NOT a complement.


« : December 20, 2018, 07:35:10 PM Virgs Sew n Sew »

Fuck this place.
gene
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« #111 : December 20, 2018, 09:14:28 PM »

>It is what this world has become because of a bunch a damn snowflakes.

There you go with that homophobic language again!

gene

PS: Now that's funny! LOL
« : December 20, 2018, 09:15:52 PM gene »

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
kodydog
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North Central Florida


« #112 : December 20, 2018, 10:06:30 PM »

Snowballs, now that's funny. I'm sure Steve did not make a snow man. I think he is trying to inject a little humor into this politically correct world. What would Jesus think? We all need to love one another, even if we disagree with them.

Being from Florida I'm not sure what is worse, snowballs or sandyballs.
« : December 20, 2018, 10:09:37 PM kodydog »

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
http://northfloridachair.com/index.html
SteveA
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« #113 : December 21, 2018, 05:22:58 AM »

Virginia sorry you looked for content to be insulted by-
I didn't author the piece -
It's cut and paste jokes on a tab labeled "Humorous"
Don't judge me based on jokes posted that I shared and don't take humorous content to heart
lighten up
SA
Virgs Sew n Sew
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« #114 : December 21, 2018, 07:09:55 AM »

I will NOT lighten up.  Almost every one of your "jokes" are mysogenist, homophobic, racist, etc.  When it's thrown in your face, you don't have to go looking for it.

And you freakin' wonder why people don't post here anymore.  Perhaps most of the world doesn't look at it, like you and Gene do (angry old white men).  Enjoy spreading your racist, homophobic, mysogenist humor around.  There is no amount of information about upholstery that would make putting up with this shit worth while.

I will NEVER lighten up over this kind of bullshit.  I cannot believe the owners of the site put up with your "humor" -- shows they are just as bad as you are.

Fuck this place.
MinUph
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Mainly furniture. Tarpon Springs Fl.


« #115 : December 21, 2018, 07:45:32 AM »

Bye

Paul
Minichillo's Upholstery
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sofadoc
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All types of upholstery.....except cars and boats.


« #116 : December 21, 2018, 09:16:48 AM »

And you freakin' wonder why people don't post here anymore.

It has nothing to do with crude humor. This forum has been on a steady decline since the emergence of other social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.  All those outlets are replete with humor FAR more offensive than any of the jokes told here.

Just wondering. If Steve had posted a bunch of jokes that ONLY made fun of old white guys, would you have been so offended?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Steve, Gene, and Paul were all sitting around in the retirement home one evening.

Gene said "Well, it's way past my bedtime. It's almost 7:00. I better go to bed."
Gene headed upstairs to his room. Then he turned and yelled back downstairs to Steve and Paul. "Hey......I can't remember. Was I getting IN bed, or OUT of bed?"

Paul said "I'll go help him". Paul got halfway up the stairs, and turned back to ask Steve "Was I going UP the stairs? Or was I coming DOWN the stairs?"

Steve just rolled his eyes and said a little prayer. "Oh Lord, thank you for putting me here to take care of those two. I don't know what they would do without me. I just thank you and praise you every day that at my age, I still have all my wits about me........knock on wood..............Who IS-S-S-S it?"

"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban
SteveA
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« #117 : December 21, 2018, 09:52:16 AM »

Subject: Fwd: THOUGHTS FOR THINKERS



• Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
• What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
• If poison expires is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
• Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
• Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
• Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
• Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
• The word “swims” upside-down and backwards, is still “swims?"
• Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
• 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and  only the rich own horses.
• Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
• The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 probably died before he  did.
• If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When," you get the answer to each of them.
• Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
• If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
• If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day". (It does fall on a Tuesday)
• 100 years ago a Twenty Dollar bill and a Twenty Dollar gold piece were interchangeable. Either  one would buy a new suit, new shoes and a night on the town. The Twenty Dollar gold  piece will still do that.
Inger-in-Norway
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« #118 : December 21, 2018, 01:39:55 PM »

I had to google the word 'mysogenist', never heard it before.  Now that I know the meaning, I have to say that the jokes, especially that one Steve pulled, is not anyway biased, it 'abuses' every shade of 'political correctness' that you can think of, and I see no problem with that.
I'm a woman, kind of 'semi-feminist', and I have never felt uncomfortable with what has been written here. I start getting uncomfortable, though, when someone starts accusing the other group members of being racists, mysogenists etc. If someone can't tolerate a joke without calling the group members names, then I guess he/she knows where the 'door' is.
The 'Friday funnies' make my day (or perhaps I should say week), when I'm trawling this forum on behalf of the owner to keep it spam free.

And have a great Christmas, all of you!
gene
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« #119 : December 21, 2018, 03:38:15 PM »

I'll bet a dollar that if Virginia thought Steve and I were angry old black men she would not have said a word.

I do not like the jokes on this forum that I feel denigrate women and especially wives. I skip over them and move on. If I feel offended that is on me. I could say something, not say something, or not return to this forum. I chose to not say something as a normal course of being on the forum.

I am responsible for my own feelings. I refuse to give power over my feelings to other people. The only way you could trigger me is to have a gun or Roy Rogers' horse.

What were we talking about?

gene


QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!
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