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| | |-+  End of the week humorous amusing anecdote (formerly Friday Funny)
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: End of the week humorous amusing anecdote (formerly Friday Funny)  ( 4815 )
YaBB God

Karma: +1/-0
: 3145

« #180 : May 11, 2019, 08:35:50 AM »


YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #181 : May 11, 2019, 10:22:59 AM »

and you know how valued Barkley's analysis are - just don't ask him to predict a BB game outcome

What kind of mileage are you getting???

Gallons  --
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you
Would have $49.00 today! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman
Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the
Beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would
Have received $214.00.  Based on the above, the best current investment
Plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

And as a bonus...A recent study found the average American walks about 900
Miles a year.  Another study found that on average Americans drink 22
Gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets
About 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!
YaBB God

Karma: +2/-0
: 4537

All types of upholstery.....except cars and boats.

« #182 : May 17, 2019, 07:58:43 AM »

A woman asks her husband "What would you like for breakfast? Bacon and eggs? Pancakes?"
The man replied "Sorry, I'm just not very hungry. It's the . I just don't have an appetite".

At lunch, she asks again "How about a sandwich? Or maybe we could order a pizza?"
Again, the husband tells her that the  has suppressed hi appetite.

Later that evening, she says "Well surely you're ready to eat supper. How about steak and potatoes with a big slice of apple pie?"
The husband responds "Sorry, but I'm still not hungry. This  has just totally killed my appetite".

The wife then says "Well would you mind getting off me then? I'm starved!"

"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban
YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #183 : May 21, 2019, 12:10:14 PM »

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women from England, Scotland, and Ireland were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No'
so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, No,
so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been f%*#ed lad?'*
The man broke into a big smile and said, 'no'.
She said, ‘Aye…..Ya will be when the tide comes in.
YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #184 : May 26, 2019, 07:12:36 AM »

A Jewish daughter says to her mother,
"I'm divorcing Nathan.
All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My private parts are now the size of a 50-cent piece,
When it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."

Her mother says ......
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion!
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari!
You get $2,000 a week allowance!
You take 6 vacations a year and
you want to throw all that away
over 45 cents?"

YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #185 : June 01, 2019, 07:27:52 AM »

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a large syringe to give him an anesthesia shot.  No way, no needles the man exclaims.  So she starts to hook up the nitrous oxide tank and the man says I can't do the gas thing either. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me.  The dentist then asks the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.  No he says, I'm fine with pills.  So the lady dentist gives him two little blue pills and he swallows them.  What are those he asks ?   she calmly replies.  I'll be damned said the man I didn't know  works as a pain killer.  It doesn't says the wise dentist but it will give you something to hold on to when i pull your tooth.
YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #186 : June 14, 2019, 01:47:18 PM »

                                                      Spell Check
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is
assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.?? Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the
We missed the

We missed the bloody
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was .
YaBB God

Karma: +4/-1
: 1568

« #187 : June 21, 2019, 02:55:00 PM »

When you are bored, just think about a few things that don't make sense ...like :
1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"
8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
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