June 06, 2020, 05:54:02 am

News:

Welcome to our new Upholster.com Forum with an updated theme and improved functionality. We welcome your comments and questions to our forum!


Friday funny on whatever day today it.

Started by gene, February 01, 2017, 12:32:45 am

Previous topic - Next topic

sofadoc

Quote from: gene on February 23, 2017, 02:33:47 am
It was amazing to see the host smoking a cigarette.
I was in a Dallas TV studio while Jerry Lewis was shooting a commercial to promote his upcoming telethon. The promo was only about 15 seconds long. Yet during that 15 seconds, he lit a cigarette and began smoking it while talking.
"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban

gene

February 24, 2017, 08:54:55 pm #16 Last Edit: February 24, 2017, 09:01:33 pm by gene
QuoteThe waitress walking by heard all this and said "Well......my daughter


I was concerned the punch line might have been "... my 13 year old son..."  :o
-----------------------------
I was listening to a lecture the other day at work. The guy being interviewed was from Finland. He told his favorite Finnish joke. I would think this would fit most anywhere.

Two long time drinking buddies went into a bar as they had done for many, many years. After about 2 hours of drinking, one buddy said, "So, how are things going with you?" The other buddy said, "Hey! Did we come here to talk or to drink?"
----------------------------
Smoking used to be advertised as being good for you.

My son-in-laws' uncle is fighting cancer. He was on an oxygen bottle for the last few years, needing a portable one if he want anywhere, but he kept smoking. He finally got to where his lungs could not take in enough oxygen to even get out of bed. The doctors showed him a picture of a healthy lung, a picture of a lung where the guy died from coal dust (black lung disease) and a picture of a lung from a smoker who was still alive. The picture of the smokers' lung did something to him that he quit smoking. It's been 6 months since he saw that picture and he still hasn't touched a cigarette.

gene
QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!

sofadoc

An old man bought a brand new red Corvette and went for a drive.

At first, he went slow. But he gradually gained speed. Pretty soon, he was going 80. A cop began to chase him. He sped up to 90. Then 100. Then 125.

Finally, the old man gave up and pulled over. When the cop saw that it was an old man, he took pity on him.

The cop said "I'll tell you what. If you can give me an excuse that I've NEVER heard before, I'll let you go".

The old man said "Well about 20 years ago, my wife ran off with a cop".

"So why were you going so fast?" asked the cop.

The old man replied "I thought you were trying to bring her back".
"Perfection is the greatest enemy of profitability" - Mark Cuban

byhammerandhand

    
A travelling salesman drove past a farm one day and noticed a pig with one wooden leg. He didn't think much of it until a week later, driving by the same farm, the pig had two wooden legs. The third week, the pig had three wooden legs, and finally, after seeing the pig the fourth week with four wooden legs, he had to stop to inquire about it.

He tracked down the farmer and asked him about the strange sight. The farmer told him, "Well, that's the greatest pig alive. About a month ago, he saved my wife and kids and me from our burning house by waking us up in the middle of the night just in time to escape without any harm!"

The salesman continue to prod the farmer about the pig's wooden legs. "Well," the farmer replied, "this pig is just like one of the family. He's a really great pig. A couple of weeks ago, our youngest boy fell in the creek, and this truly wonderful pig fished him out just in time to save him from drowning! He's one really great pig!"

The salesman, starting to lose his patience, again inquired about the wooden legs, to which the farmer replied, "Last week, I fell off my horse and my foot got caught up in the stirrup. This great pig ran along side of the horse and me and untangled me and truly saved my life. What a great pig - the greatest pig in the world!!"

Losing his patience, the salesman finally shouted, "All right already, That's enough! He's a really great pig - a REALLY great pig! But what about his wooden legs?!"

To which the farmer replied, "Well now, a great pig like that - you don't eat him all at once!"
Keith

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison

gene

Don't sweat the petty stuff.

Don't pet the sweaty stuff.
QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!

baileyuph

Identifying petty and sweaty stuff?  Can they be equal? 

What is non petty and non sweaty?

Petty or sweaty can't they be equal?

Funny stuff?  Is it petty and/or sweaty?

Circles?

Doyle


gene

March 12, 2017, 03:46:56 pm #21 Last Edit: March 12, 2017, 04:02:11 pm by gene
Doyle,

I enjoy listening to and reading physicists like Sean Carrol, Lawrence Krause, Stephen Hawking, etc. Hawking is 74 I think and he's still publishing peer reviewed papers. That's incredible.

Anyway, I have two thoughts about the possible source of your questions. 1. Alcohol. 2. You also enjoy reading about physics, particle physics, quantum physics, quantum field theory, the multiverse, etc.

One question for you: When you say "circles" are you talking about what a hawk does overhead or what a farmer sometimes finds in his corn field?

gene

QUALITY DOES NOT COST, IT PAYS!